Have you got one yet?

Well, have you?

An iGod, I mean: it's the latest must-have accessory for 21st Century Christians. Comes complete with a Buddhist prayer wheel on the front: you just spin it, select your prayer from the drop-down menu and away you go.

Capacity: at least 20 billion prayers, and twice as many of the latest "Jesus is my girlfriend" worship songs. What's more, it takes up less space than your own brain - all you do is plug it into the space between your ears and it charges up automatically, direct from your own heartbeat, leaving you free to get on with your life at the expense of the world's poor whilst your prayers waft gently up to heaven like incense.

Even better, every one comes with 99 English translations of the Bible pre-installed, with a limited selection of foreign language versions available for unlocking on payment of a modest license fee. There's a special iRandomiser function that sends carefully selected Bible verses direct to your mobile phone, with free anti-poverty virus scanning if you subscribe to the Premium Service: never see another Bible verse that threatens to challenge the tenets of global capitalism - guaranteed!

And don't miss iGod SE: a special iRainbow textured edition with extended lifetime "iGod's Promises" warranty -- iGod SE will never fail you nor forsake you.

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iGod: will always be with you.